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  I was a very masculine sad girl.

 

In my experience all that I could learn was from a very protective mother who had fear to masculine figure.

I remember, many phrases like: your father is bad, you are like him, all men are terrible and totally negative words, when I grew up I received phrases like: you need to find a good men, and marry him, I want to have grandchildren.

 

So this was very contradictory…  She damages the masculine image in my brain since I can remember but at the same time I needed to find some wonderful Prince.

 

When I was a teenager I was extremely shy, I remember myself in the parties: all my friends were dancing and I was sitting in a chair because inside me I already had the thought I was ugly, no one will be interested in me and so on.. Even my body since 13, 14 years old started to be curved, not with the straight spine. I wanted to hide myself all the time.

 

Also when I was around 15 years old I had acne. This in my family was normal, my mother took me to dermatologist but he couldn’t help me, I spent like 2 years using different creams, spend a lot of money with no results. After the dermatologist my mother took me to gynecologist and she gave me the “wise” advice to start to take hormones contraceptives.

My skin immediately became better but my weight start to be unstable, I suddenly gained a lot of pounds, had more depression states, anxiety with food…

 

Inside I felt I didn’t wanted to take this pills and when I asked the doctor for how much time I need to take them: she said, it doesn’t matter, you can take this pills forever, during all your life.

My sexual life started when I was 18 years old and I didn’t know anything about nothing.

First my couple was a very low energy man who cannot help me in nothing, he just had a lot of previous sexual experiences but he was not wise or able to explain me anything.

He just went in shock when I told him I was still virgin, and all our preparation was to buy condoms in the pharmacy. My sexual relations with him were very unsatisfactory and left me nothing good to remember. He always wanted just to be inside me and that’s it. He never treated me like Goddess or with respect he just wanted all the time sex, sex, sex.

 

And in one moment I started to feel repulsion for him… For having relations with him I needed to drink some alcohol before to be stimulated if not was impossible because instead of desire he cause in me wish to vomit, my following relations were similar or worse.

The only beautiful experience I had in this area was when I started to practice more meditation and I meet one men and we had one sexual relation but we prepare it like a ritual, with meditation mantras… and this was totally different , was not exactly Tantra but was a more higher experience.. the funny thing (now is funny in the moment was hard for me) was that after this meeting when I meet my mother (I was still living with her) she asked me If I had slept with this man, and I tell her yes, her reaction was strong, she get angry and she told me that she didn’t educate me to become a prostitute and so on…

In my mind this was chaos because I understood the stupidity of this world and of moral matters: If I have permanent boyfriend I can have sex, no matter if he knows something about it or not… but if I have a more deep experience, spiritual, sacred but this man is not my official boyfriend or I am not planning to marry him I am a prostitute… this was the program.

 

All this was about sexual sphere, but in my relations with men I couldn’t express myself at all… I was much more with woman because I was invisible for men.

Result: all my couples were energetically lower than me. I was always the mother of them. And I develop inside me masculine qualities, like strength, intelligence, control, etc. Nothing about sensuality, or charm…

The worse thing is that exactly before know about the school of development of Feminine Essence I started to think I was lesbian.

I had some experiences with women and really if I hasn’t meet  the school I think I would be totally Lesbian because it was more comfortable for me.

But the miracle started to happen. With the practices I realize that I never learned how to walk, how to know my body, how to love myself, and many other things.

I realized how much fear I had to sexual energy and to express myself.

Until today I cannot be totally feminine in social life but I changed already a lot.

Now I can meet men and talked to them, and they are interested in me, or they like my image, found it interesting or attractive (before I always was the invisible one)

I stop taking the contraceptives… at the beginning my period stopped 1 year!! Yes 1 year without menstruation… they explained me that I have spent so many years taking chemical substances that my body forgot to work by itself... I was very sad about this because I felt that my femininity was not working. But I started to make more feminine dances, movements… and suddenly my period came and now is exact, stable and very good, the blood that comes is very red, clean... and I have period with full moon very harmonic. My skin becomes soft, without acne.

My face change totally is like the structure of eyes, nose is more delicate... all my body received transformation and now I gain sensibility I can feel more my skin, sensations... when some man appears I feel when is not good to communicate with him, or the opposite.

My sexual energy grew and this helped to develop talents like singing, dancing (creations – se repite) and others creative things.

 

And I feel much more secure in this.

 

I never thought really that I can become like the women I used to criticized, because I thought they were just beautiful and stupid... but now I realized that I can have at the same time beauty, intelligence, sensuality, power and so on.

 

And that if I develop the feminine part inside me everything will be easier. I can be more successful in social life and not to compete with men, don’t have more insecurity about myself   but to enjoy life and be proud of being a woman!!!

I hope and wish that this experience can help women to take this knowledge and to discover their inner power and the treasure they are!

 

Love

 

ORFICA

 

 

I was a very masculine sad girl.

In my experience all that I could learn was from a very protective mother who had fear to masculine figure.

I remember, many phrases like: your father is bad, you are like him, all men are terrible and totally negative words, when I grew up I received phrases like: you need to find a good men, and marry him, I want to have grandchildren.

So this was very contradictory…  She damages the masculine image in my brain since I can remember but at the same time I needed to find some wonderful Prince.

When I was a teenager I was extremely shy, I remember myself in the parties: all my friends were dancing and I was sitting in a chair because inside me I already had the thought I was ugly, no one will be interested in me and so on.. Even my body since 13, 14 years old started to be curved, not with the straight spine. I wanted to hide myself all the time.

Also when I was around 15 years old I had acne. This in my family was normal, my mother took me to dermatologist but he couldn’t help me, I spent like 2 years using different creams, spend a lot of money with no results. After the dermatologist my mother took me to gynecologist and she gave me the “wise” advice to start to take hormones contraceptives.

My skin immediately became better but my weight start to be unstable, I suddenly gained a lot of pounds, had more depression states, anxiety with food…

Inside I felt I didn’t wanted to take this pills and when I asked the doctor for how much time I need to take them: she said, it doesn’t matter, you can take this pills forever, during all your life.

My sexual life started when I was 18 years old and I didn’t know anything about nothing.

First my couple was a very low energy man who cannot help me in nothing, he just had a lot of previous sexual experiences but he was not wise or able to explain me anything.

He just went in shock when I told him I was still virgin, and all our preparation was to buy condoms in the pharmacy. My sexual relations with him were very unsatisfactory and left me nothing good to remember. He always wanted just to be inside me and that’s it. He never treated me like Goddess or with respect he just wanted all the time sex, sex, sex.

And in one moment I started to feel repulsion for him… For having relations with him I needed to drink some alcohol before to be stimulated if not was impossible because instead of desire he cause in me wish to vomit, my following relations were similar or worse.

The only beautiful experience I had in this area was when I started to practice more meditation and I meet one men and we had one sexual relation but we prepare it like a ritual, with meditation mantras… and this was totally different , was not exactly Tantra but was a more higher experience.. the funny thing (now is funny in the moment was hard for me) was that after this meeting when I meet my mother (I was still living with her) she asked me If I had slept with this man, and I tell her yes, her reaction was strong, she get angry and she told me that she didn’t educate me to become a prostitute and so on…

In my mind this was chaos because I understood the stupidity of this world and of moral matters: If I have permanent boyfriend I can have sex, no matter if he knows something about it or not… but if I have a more deep experience, spiritual, sacred but this man is not my official boyfriend or I am not planning to marry him I am a prostitute… this was the program.

All this was about sexual sphere, but in my relations with men I couldn’t express myself at all… I was much more with woman because I was invisible for men.

Result: all my couples were energetically lower than me. I was always the mother of them. And I develop inside me masculine qualities, like strength, intelligence, control, etc. Nothing about sensuality, or charm…

The worse thing is that exactly before know about the school of development of Feminine Essence I started to think I was lesbian.

I had some experiences with women and really if I hasn’t meet  the school I think I would be totally Lesbian because it was more comfortable for me.

But the miracle started to happen. With the practices I realize that I never learned how to walk, how to know my body, how to love myself, and many other things.

I realized how much fear I had to sexual energy and to express myself.

Until today I cannot be totally feminine in social life but I changed already a lot.

Now I can meet men and talked to them, and they are interested in me, or they like my image, found it interesting or attractive (before I always was the invisible one)

I stop taking the contraceptives… at the beginning my period stopped 1 year!! Yes 1 year without menstruation… they explained me that I have spent so many years taking chemical substances that my body forgot to work by itself... I was very sad about this because I felt that my femininity was not working. But I started to make more feminine dances, movements… and suddenly my period came and now is exact, stable and very good, the blood that comes is very red, clean... and I have period with full moon very harmonic. My skin becomes soft, without acne.

My face change totally is like the structure of eyes, nose is more delicate... all my body received transformation and now I gain sensibility I can feel more my skin, sensations... when some man appears I feel when is not good to communicate with him, or the opposite.

My sexual energy grew and this helped to develop talents like singing, dancing (creations – se repite) and others creative things.

And I feel much more secure in this.

I never thought really that I can become like the women I used to criticized, because I thought they were just beautiful and stupid... but now I realized that I can have at the same time beauty, intelligence, sensuality, power and so on.

And that if I develop the feminine part inside me everything will be easier. I can be more successful in social life and not to compete with men, don’t have more insecurity about myself   but to enjoy life and be proud of being a woman!!!

I hope and wish that this experience can help women to take this knowledge and to discover their inner power and the treasure they are!

Love

ORFICA